What if

I have to admit that when my N levels just ended, I was pretty confident of going to Sec 5. But it wasn't because that I thought I studied well enough. It's because I cannot imagine myself studying anywhere else.

I've been in this school, this amazingly sucky school, for 4 years. This was the longest I've ever stayed in a school. I've got great friends and awesome teachers. I don't want this to end. I want to have the same friends and teachers for the rest of my life and I wanna study in the same school till I'm not eligible to enter Secondary School anymore.

Okay enough about that. Everyone knows that secondary school has to end some day.

And about my results, I won't be around and I'm feeling friggin upset about it. No one knows how deeply sad I'm feeling about this issue. I wanna be there, on the 17th, to cry on my friend's shoulders if I don't make it and I want to be there for my friends if they didn't make it. All I want is to be there, irregardless if it's the last day of my secondary school life or not. I want to see the look on my teacher's faces, either happy/disappointed and I want my parents to give me their full support, no matter what's the outcome of my results.

Life's so upsetting now. If only I'm brave enough to stand up to my parents and tell them that I don't wanna go on a holiday. I want to stay. I want to stay and spend all the time I have left with my friends. It's just hard to start up a conversation about this without crying. All they think is that family is on top of everyone's personal VIP list. But maybe for once, I wanna put myself on that position. I wanna be the most important person for that one day no matter what my results are.

All I want is to be happy, before and after the 17th of December.